The Eldon Tribune
by Kadesh
Summary: The Kingdom of Eldon has opened an advice column in its newspaper.... oh boy, here goes the chaos.....


**_Disclaimer: I do not (obviously) own any of the fairy tales used in this story. It is purely for entertainment and I'm making no profit whatsoever...(unfortunately)..._**

**_ Dedicated to: all my lovely StoryTeller buddies (you know who you are!). Give yourselves a hand 'cuz you're all so amazing!  
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-----_ The Eldon Tribune -----  
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_Once upon a time, in a land faraway…._

Dear Readers,

We are happy to announce that we will be adding an advice column to The Eldon Tribune, thanks to your suggestions. _P.C.'s Corner _will be featured in our next edition and you, the readers, can send in any problems or questions for P.C. Thank you for your contributions; we appreciate them. If you have any other suggestions or comments, please contact us at 1151 Ever After Lane.

Sincerely,  
Finbar Garner  
Editor-in-chief, The Eldon Tribune

Dear P.C.,

Who are you? How do I know I can trust you? Anyway, like I have a really big problem. I have like 2 sisters (well, step-sisters, really) and we don't get along too well. They are so mean to me! All I ask is that they like help me with my chores 'cuz my doctor says I'm like delicate and all. But instead, they pick on me and make me wash my own clothes and clean my room! Do you know what that is like doing to my nails? I plan to marry the prince someday, and I can't be a princess with nails like these! Anyway, I can't stand it anymore! Like, what should I do?

Sincerely,  
Mistreated Beauty

Dear Mistreated Beauty,

My identity is of no consequence to you. I think your step-sisters have a point in making you do your work. Everyone needs to be able to take care of themselves, and no sane guy is going to marry a girl who cares only about her nails... get a life...

P.C.

Dear P.C.,

I think my stepmother is trying to kill me…

Sincerely,  
Endangered princess

Dear Endangered princess,

Pack up your things and run into the forest or something! I hope you didn't really need me to tell that...

P.C.

Dear P.C.,

I have a step-daughter who is so lazy! All she does is eat and stare at herself in the mirror. If I ever try to get her to do some work, she threatens to call the Fairy police on me and report child abuse. She believes she's going to be a princess someday and "princesses don't have to work" according to her. I'm getting fed up with her!

Sincerely,  
Frustrated step-mother

Dear Frustrated sep-mother,

Send the bum to boot camp or something. Or better yet, kick her out!

P.C.

Dear P.C.,

Unfortunately, I can't do that. I promised her father on his deathbed that I'll look after her till she gets married.

Sincerely,  
Frustrated step-mother

Dear P.C.,

I met this beastly, arrogant young man who refused to provide me shelter in a storm and because of him my favorite wand got ruined in the rain! He makes me so mad and I want to make him pay for it!

Sincerely,  
Fairy-in-disguise

Dear Fairy-in-disguise,

You said he was beastly, right? Well, turn him into a beast or something…. And maybe you should get yourself a water-proof wand…

P.C.

Dear P.C.,

I've always been the most beautiful woman in the entire Eldon Kingdom but my stupid step-daughter thinks she can take my place! I planned to eliminate my competition (if she can even be considered competition!) but for some reason, she has disappeared.

Sincerely,  
Beauty Queen

Dear Beauty Queen,

I don't think you and your step-daughter have a healthy relationship. You seem to be suffering from jealousy and the best way to overcome this green-eyed monster is to admit your problem and come to the realization that you aren't the most beautiful person in the world. Either that or drop dead, psycho.

P.C.

Dear P.C.,

You insolent fool! I'll send my henchmen after you! -----------------------

Sincerely,  
Beauty Queen

Dear Readers,

We ask that you please keep the subject of your letters to _P.C.'s Corner_ appropriate. Any material of a violent or threatening nature will be censored.

Sincerely,

Finbar Garner 

Editor-in-chief, The Eldon Tribune

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Note: I'm curious to see if anyone can figure out who P.C. is. If you do...I don't know, I'll thing of something!

-Kadesh


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